Chapter 35

Well, it's official y'all! I am in my mid-30's.

Every year I like to take a moment to reminisce on everything from the prior year. I look at pictures from the last 12 months, I ponder on the goodness of God, how far I have come, and all that He has done. This year was no exception, but I wanted to invite you in to the process! I want to share a lot of the highs and lessons I've learned. But first, I want to journey through the valley seasons that God has so faithfully and wonderfully redeemed and, quite honestly, is still in the process of restoring. Thirty four was an interesting year, to say the very least. Come along with me. The start of 34 definitely packed a punch, but I promise it gets better! Here we go...

My birthday is on February 12th, and last year that happened to be less than 2 weeks after I lost our sweet little baby, a baby that we had prayed and hoped for. A week before that, we had to cancel our retreat, a dream that had been stirring in our hearts. We worked so hard preparing, even laboring over this dream then we both ended up getting COVID. It felt like everything was being ripped away from us all at one time, and at the top of the year, at that! I entered into my birthday with great sorrow, but also great thanksgiving because in spite of everything, God is still good, and that much I still sensed and knew.

But a journey had begun to take place within me. One in which I learned to put my hope and reliance completely in Him everyday and pour it all out. And, as He began to teach me more about faith, I realized that my faith was tied to the outcomes of circumstances much more than I wanted to admit. Because it was tied to outcomes, when those desired outcomes didn't happen, my faith waivered and in some moments even shattered.

I learned that my faith must be IN Him alone. Nothing else.

I learned about the things that really matter. He took me on a journey of storing up costly oil and pouring it all out every time I was with Him--holding nothing back. My motives were re-aligned, my focus re-adjusted. There was a point in my walk with Him where things shifted and He became "a part" of my life. He was no longer the main thing. All the while I was doing amazing things for Him, giving Him my best gifts. But, He didn't have all of me. He didn't have my heart completely.

I entered into a freedom that for years I only dreamed could exist. Certainly for other people--never for myself.

Thirty-four started off devastatingly. But, if I can be honest, I look back on that year--through the fog and the haze--and I see beauty. I see beauty that came from ashes, and so much joy that came from so much pain. I am so grateful for the pruning and refining. Though still on this journey, I've become more aware of the person I want to be, more of the person He wants to mold me into. And the valley moments will not define me, they only helped to shape me.

Isn't it just like God to redeem and restore everything, even the moment, that we swore was lost? He will make all things work together for our good, even the ugliest of circumstances.

This year, as I enter 35, I feel lighter than I have ever been before in my life. Figuratively of course, ha! (enter pregnant emoji here ;)

Friends, there is a beautiful freedom that awaits you as you pour it out before the Lord and allow Him to pour back into you. How you start something isn't how you have to end it. Your story isn't over and it is still being written by the greatest author there will ever be--Jesus!

Thirty-five: I am staring you square in the eyes and I am ecstatic about what this year holds. For the first time in a long time, I can truly say that my hope is in the Lord. My trust is in the creator, the gift giver, and there is nothing that I want for that He will not supply. I have the greatest gift, the greatest reward--His presence. We all have access to this gift, we just have to pursue Him. It's on us.

Thank you Lord for another birthday! Another year of life! Here's to 35!

"That which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His son Jesus Christ."-1 John 1:3

🖤 Rochelle